The grooms side

All right gentlemen, you decided that you want to get married. She's the love of your life and it's time to settle down. So what do you do? Well, a good start is buying the ring and asking her to say "I do." Glad you found this website, right? I'm here to help you, amigos.


Wedding in Hawaii photo

First, shop. Yes, that wonderful exercise that we guys only like to do when buying cars and tools. This is a once in a lifetime purchase, give it the attention and time that your future fiancée deserves. Too often, would-be grooms get caught up in the "two months salary" guideline and wind up overspending. You need to shop around to ensure that you get the best price and financing available.

Okay, you've got the ring, now what? Do you just walk up to her and say, "Let's get married?" No, of course not! Asking someone the big question is an exercise in controlled anxiety, you are the most nervous person in the world and you certainly don't want to stutter through your moment in the sun. Nor do you want to ask the question in the wrong atmosphere. Everything should be perfect, and appropriate.

So, what is appropriate? Among the questions you should be asking yourself is where did we meet? What movie did we see first as a couple? Where did you each go to school? Should your families be present? Where did you work? What is your favorite restaurant as a couple? Many questions, many answers, which is the right one? Always remember that your fiancée will commit where, when and how you asked her to memory and will tell everyone all about it. Make her memory one that you will both be proud of because it reflects who you are, as individuals, and as a couple.

Good bets on places to ask are good restaurants when you are celebrating special occasions. Sporting events where you have made arrangements for her name to be flashed across the scoreboard. Family gatherings where both families are together, or where her family is celebrating.

Now, why the importance on what she is doing and her family's involvement? Weddings are made with the bride at the forefront, the spotlight is focused primarily on her and her reactions. So, as a groom, you have to make sure that your supporting role helps make your memorable day extra-special. One way of doing that is to make sure she and her family remember how you asked her to marry you. Make it as romantic and memorable as you can. If you do it in front of her family, she will have people close to her that will help her remember all the details.

And speaking of details, yes, get down on one knee! Major brownie points are scored here. You may think that you are too cool, too macho to do such things, but gentlemen remember, this is the woman with whom you will spend the rest of your life. She will see you at your best, and your worst, so be proud of your manliness and show her that you are strong enough to pay her respect by being humble enough to kneel before her to ask her to share in the special gift of matrimony.

Most of all, listen to your heart, not your head, in deciding how to ask. What is in your heart is usually what is best, because it is there that you've stored all the wonderful things that you've done together. That way you won't come up with less than memorable situations, like how much she'd like to be asked at the supermarket. Unless of course, that is where you two met. Good luck!

Paul is head coordinator for Hawaii weddings and is webmaster for his Oahu weddings site